When asked for a sample of the media we consumed in our teen years, we are liable to skim from the top. For me, Romancelandia was already hidden beneath the more socially acceptable layers of 90s music and film. But even here we find stratification. My memory of clandestine romance reading – shared only with the truly trusted females in my life like Kelsey and my sister – was basically Johanna Lindsey with a dash of Highlander historicals and cowboy contemporaries.
It was only when Stephanie Laurens shouldered her way into our Blood Sisters Book Club that I was forced to edit the historical record. Suddenly, the spectre of masterful aristocrats who strode about with flashing green eyes, slashing eyebrows, and very tight buff trousers swum before my eyes. Dammit, I forgot how much Laurens I read, I messaged Kelsey. Whhhhyyyy? Was it the 30-page sex scenes? Oh, er, um, yes. That’s right.
Remembering why I used to like Laurens did not tempt me for a re-read. Surely as an adult with access to far steamer stuff, the titillation would have worn off. Yes? Well, no. I mean, okay, the marathon sex scenes no longer scintillate, but a ride in Stephanie Lauren’s WayBack Machine with dashing Devil Cynster and headstrong Honoria Poshname proved to be a whole lot of fun.
Cynsters: Vampire Clan
They never die. Never. Napoleon couldn’t even wipe them out at Waterloo. They’re like that Bruce Willis character in Nine Monkeys – a 90s reference, Gen Z – who pulls himself out of the bloody battlefield unscathed. Equally important, they are all extremely, extremely good looking. Interview with a Vampire – wracking up the pre-millennium classics here – established that bloodsuckers are universally beautiful. Cynsters are all devastatingly handsome, in a haughty, aristocratic way. I’m pretty sure the reason Honoria is immediately selected as Devil’s Bride is her hauteur. The final and most incontrovertible piece of evidence? The family arranges their reunions around coffins. Bold move for Laurens to start this series with a massive family funeral.*
No shirt, plenty of service
K: Serious question: You have stumbled across a dying gunshot victim, and an extremely comely (even if undead) stranger takes command of the situation. How much attention do you pay, in the moment, to the frisson of attraction?
M: Ooh, at a hazard, I’d say 80%?
K: I think that’s a fair guess
M: 40% for face and 40% for chest
K: Devil could have thrown on his jacket!
M: Impossible. Honoria might remember to ask for his name then and discover his dukely identity.
Spunky heroines are timeless
Honoria, she of the sky-high chin, is such a deliciously 90s heroine – a woman striving for independence and to go her own way but railroaded by everyone into marrying “for her own good.” Despite her fervent but ill-defined wish to explore ‘Africa’, we were pretty sure that an Amelia Peabody-style adventure where our alpha duke holds her parasol and argues about boat repairs were not in her future. No shade, however. She is thoroughly entertaining. And there’re worse fates than being railroaded into marrying extremely attractive and passionately besotted dukes.
Name is destiny
Names are also the only murder clue a reader will ever, ever need. Fated Mates rightly read out the naming sequence of the Cynster males in its entirety and with relish. (“I. Get. All. The. Names.”) Despite Kelsey’s claim that Devil’s intimates would automatically shorten his name to ‘Dev’ – oh, I don’t think they’d dare – the immortal Cynster clan does not hesitate to call adult men ‘Scandal’ and ‘Lucifer’ to their faces. When a cousin is introduced to us as Charles, and we later learn his mother’s maiden name is Butterworth – yes, like the animated pancake syrup bottle of 90s Saturday morning cartoons – his guilt is plainly writ. That’s metonymy, baby.
Murder will out. Eventually.
If we are forced to nit-pick, one teeny tiny problem with Devil’s Bride is the utterly crap detective skills exhibited by the entire Cynster clan. You can argue that the murder was merely an excuse for our shirtless hero and easily-distracted heroine to spend the night in a cottage together Fine. But when Devil and Co. are revealed to have deductive reasoning skills on par with a block of cheese? So not hot. We had assumed that these seductive berserker stewards of the land were smart as well immortal. Thank god they have Honoria and her womanly intuition as backup.
He’s a peach
It’s still the 90s. Heroines are still innocents who need the musky maleness of the heroes to sexually awaken. And we still have no idea where the hymen is. But at least when Honoria wakes up she’s a woman on a mission to get laid. She’s not disappointed. Cynsters have skillz. In their first sex scene, Honoria comes so hard she’s knocked unconscious. For several minutes. That’s A+ hand sex. But Devil really earns his five-star Regency Rake epilates by then getting said unconscious woman fully dressed. And that’s before he reveals a penis the head of which resembling a certainly succulent fruit. Yep, the sex scenes give Laurens maximum latitude for her linguistic leaps. Hers, according to Fated Mates, are ‘meaty, complicated sentences’. Certainly, a few giggles aside, they are effective af. You could say the same about her peachy hero.
To Have and to Hold
So what can we conclude from this #throwbackthursday classic? Devil Cynster was very much the Next Gen rake in 1998: hot and possessive but with a hint of interiority and the ability to think. Or to ratiocinate, as Laurens would say. Except when it comes to solving murders. Kelsey would like to give these berserker wedding planners another chance but fears further cross genre plot development. Nobody wants and Alpha hero who’s an (unintentionally) hot dummy! As for Honoria, she’s such a perfect chin-lifting, back-straightening snob that it’s hard to fault her for it. When she’s finally enthroned as matriarch of the Immortal Clan, you can almost hear her inner cry of “kiss the ring, bitch!” So, for all the revolutions and bluestocking kickups, order in Romancelandia is maintained. It’s probably why those Cynsters have such staying power.
Up next: Is a Medieval seventeen the same as a modern teenager? The Blood Sisters might have found an age gap too wide to bridge in Judith McNaugt’s Kingdom of Dreams.
*Paranormal fans, Cynsters are iconographic vampires, not actual bloodsuckers. You’ve not stumbled upon a previously entomed sexy blood fest – soz!
